Self-esteem and dopamine

 Can a Person, by Their Simple and Innate Nature, Consistently Maintain High Levels of Self-Esteem?

The answer is clear: Yes! A person can be born with a genetic predisposition to always enjoy high self-esteem. Conversely, some people are born and spend their entire lives underestimating themselves, with the firm belief that “they will never be able to.”

Having high levels of self-esteem (and I use the word "having" because, based on personal experience, it is truly a joy; I have always believed myself capable of achieving things that others wouldn’t even dare to attempt—and if you’re reading this book, it’s because I’ve done it again: published my third book) means believing, even if others find it naïve, in one’s ability to achieve great things and attain significant success. This belief in one’s capabilities is precisely what drives a person to do what others cannot even imagine.

People with high self-esteem often believe they are beautiful and charming, and very often, simply believing themselves to be beautiful and charming makes them project this to others—and more importantly, others perceive them that way. Conversely, someone who considers themselves unattractive or lacking charm will project exactly that, which is what others will perceive. In Chapter 5, The Irresistibility of Pheromones, we will see how pheromones play an essential and fascinating role in how we perceive one another.

Let’s clarify: when a person with high self-esteem finds themselves beautiful and charming, they do so without comparing themselves to others. This specific fact—the lack of comparison with others—is what distinguishes self-esteem from ego. The same applies to the belief in one’s ability to achieve great things without comparing oneself to others, simply believing one is capable. This is true self-esteem. Self-esteem is not comparative.

Ego, on the other hand, is comparative. It is the belief that a person is superior to others or that others lack what they possess in a more pronounced or perfected way. Similarly, the beauty or charm of an egotist is comparative; the egotist believes they are more beautiful and charming than others. This comparative belief is also perceived by others, often generating negativity.

Something similar happens with pride and dignity. Both words are synonymous, but they do not mean exactly the same thing. Both express a sense of value. Pride is a comparative evaluation with others, whereas dignity is a self-assessment independent of external factors.

Pride causes people to overvalue themselves and believe they are above others, leading to discomfort and distrust. People don’t like feeling undervalued, even if they have low self-esteem. Conversely, dignity refers to the value we all have as human beings, regardless of social, economic, or other status.

Damned Pride Throughout History:

• “Our character gets us into trouble, but it is our pride that keeps us there.” —Aesop (7th Century BC). Greek fabulist.
• “The smaller a man is, the greater his pride.” —Voltaire (1694–1778). French philosopher and writer.
• “The only thing that consoles a man for the stupid things he does is the pride he takes in doing them.” —Oscar Wilde (1854–1900). Irish playwright and novelist.

A person with high self-esteem feels good, happy, secure, and confident. They feel at peace with themselves, in control of their life, flexible and resourceful. They enjoy life’s challenges, are always ready to face them, feel empowered, creative, and know how to bring out their best. In summary: they have everything they need to succeed in most areas of life, and if misfortune strikes, they have the resources to recover and continue striving for success.

Characteristics of People with High Self-Esteem:

• They naturally take on leadership roles.
• They know what they do well and what they can improve: “I believe in my potential and not in anything else.”
• They feel good about themselves.
• They express their opinions and convictions with passion.
• They speak comfortably with others and enjoy doing so.
• They can identify and express their emotions appropriately.
• They are self-sufficient but know how to seek support when needed and provide help to others.
• They enjoy challenges and are confident in overcoming obstacles.
• They strive to achieve their goals.
• They are considerate of others, willing to help and collaborate.
• They are creative and original, interested in new tasks, and learn from new activities.
• They enjoy fun aspects of life, both their own and others’.
• They venture into new activities.
• They are organized and methodical in their endeavors.
• They ask questions when they lack knowledge.
• They are aware of their strengths and work to overcome their weaknesses.
• They take responsibility for their actions.

It is crucial to distinguish between someone with high self-esteem and someone with an inflated ego. As mentioned earlier, the egotist believes they are better than others.

Characteristics of Egotistical People:

• They believe they can do everything better than others and think no one is superior to them.
• They believe they are always right and never wrong.
• They exhibit excessive self-confidence.
• They think they are captivating, even when they are not.
• They talk more than they listen and are often loud.
• They disregard others' opinions in tasks or activities.
• They are generally rejected by others and often labeled as arrogant or know-it-alls.
• They have an unhealthy, disproportionate self-love.
• They are vain, sometimes to the point of narcissism.
• They feel highly attractive in every aspect, not just physically.
• They consider themselves superior to others.
• They enjoy being praised.
• They are excessively optimistic.
• They believe they deserve more than others.

People with Low Self-Esteem:

• They are overly critical of themselves, often harshly so, and are pessimistic.
• They tend to be indecisive and struggle with important decisions due to fear of making mistakes.
• They are demanding and critical of others, thinking things “should” be as they expect.
• They continuously evaluate and analyze themselves, comparing their behavior to an idealized version of themselves.
• They are shy, have few friends, and rarely share their feelings.
• They fear making mistakes and experience intense guilt when they do.
• They are pessimistic and poorly handle criticism.
• They enjoy others’ mistakes, as it makes them feel others are “like them.”
• They rely heavily on others' opinions before making decisions, lacking trust in their judgment.

Can Self-Esteem Be Improved?
The answer is also a resounding yes! Self-esteem can be developed, although this author, who, as mentioned earlier, was born or at least grew up with high self-esteem levels, refers readers to more specialized authors on self-esteem training. There are dozens of books and articles on the internet about improving self-esteem levels.

Training-based self-esteem enhancement fundamentally involves:

• Practicing conscious living.
• Practicing self-acceptance.
• Practicing personal responsibility.
• Practicing self-affirmation.
• Living with purpose.
• Practicing personal integrity.

At the end of this book, in Chapter 17, Artificial Intelligence and Dopamine, we will explore how AI can play a significant role in helping individuals achieve higher self-esteem levels, leading to greater success and happiness—equivalent to higher levels of emotional reward.